So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
