KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
