Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
