Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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