In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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