Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
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he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I intend to get homeless drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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