i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
