everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.