get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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