Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
