It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
