i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
