Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
