just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
