Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Two words: blizzard sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
