He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
