No, drunk sperm still make babies.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize