so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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