um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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