a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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