so explain again why im purple
no
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
