remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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