Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
