I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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