After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
