Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
