there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
