i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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