yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
