The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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