4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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