am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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