so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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