Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
