Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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