there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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