recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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