We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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