Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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