So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
