Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
