I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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