lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
