just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
