i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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