just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
