guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
