she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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