Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You pole danced in your parka.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
