My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
