He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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