I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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