You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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