Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i would punch a child for taco bell
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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