3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
