I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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