I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
