You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
