Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
