never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize