Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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