his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
